tears, cheers and what feels like years…

So it has been a weird couple of days… again! First of all I got my University results, and had the pleasant surprise of finding out that I will be graduating in 2 weeks (10 days actually..) with a First Class Honours. Don’t ask me how I managed it, because I’m really not sure! Needless to say, my family has never been prouder – I just hope they enjoy the calm before the storm…

The other ‘cheer’ in my life was that yesterday I completed the 5k Race for Life. It was actually an awesome day, and my cousin and I walked it in under an hour (56mins), so we were very proud of ourselves. We also raised a nice chunk of money for cancer research between us, and beat our mothers to the finish line (easily), so that topped off the event really for us!

So I guess now that the ‘cheers’ are out of the way, here comes the ‘tears’. Well these come in a few different ways really. First of all my brother told me yesterday that him and his bf of over a year are going to be splitting up. He’s walking round the house like a zombie a constant tear in his eye and I just don’t know what to do for him and it’s killing me seeing him like this. James came over here today for them to talk it out, but I can’t see any improvement. My brother just finished crying to me telling me that he doesn’t know what he wants…he’s got so many people he is trying to please with his decision and I can see that it is really taking its toll on him.. 

Secondly then I have to face the fact that it has now been about 19 days since I last saw Hannah. I feel like a bit of a zombie myself at the moment because of this, and I don’t really know how to express it. I’m sure there are many of you that would roll your eyes at this, but I really feel like there is half of me missing. I feel like I’ve lost my best friend and lover all in one go and I don’t know quite how to handle it and what to do with myself. What is worse is that I still have another 10 or so days to go until we are together, and now that she doesn’t even have a phone to text me and our phone calls have to be really short between work schedules, family issues and cost problems – it’s just so unfair. Don’t get me wrong I knew I was going to miss her, but this is just something else. I feel like at any moment I could just randomly burst into tears (I actually did last night which kind of led to the ‘I feel so..’ post). I feel like I am not quite living, like it’s not quite real, like I’m in a kind of trance… I feel strange. Its been days and it feels like years. I guess 6.30pm July 14th just can’t come quickly enough…  I love you Hannah.

 

Williams: Well done on your results Laura! You’re so smart… 
Me: [uncomfortable laugh] Thanks.
Williams: I don’t know where you get that from…certainly not your mother!
Mum: Funnily enough, lots of people have been saying that…

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